Survivor: Fangirl Edition
by The Famous Fire Lady M
Summary: When several different characters from many different fandoms come together on the reality show Survivor, chaos ensues. I could only pick two fandoms for it to be put into and so I picked Heroes and Twilight.
1. CAST

Survivor: Fangirl Edition

By

The Famous Fire Lady M

Cast:

Roger Davis of RENT

Carlisle Cullen of TWILIGHT

Adam Monroe of HEROES

Albert Wesker of RESIDENT EVIL

Alexander Anderson of HELLSING

James Sunderland of SILENT HILL

Robert Chase of HOUSE MD

Hosted by:

The Famous Fire Lady M.


	2. first Challenge We meet the cast

A** CAMERA** pans over a deserted tropical island.

An **IRRITATING VOICE OVER GUY **spouts **" **Our contestants will have to survive for forty days on this island. Challenges and allies await them. But who will win the million dollar prize on: **SURVIVOR: FANGIRL EDITION"**

Our host walks out wearing what looks like a long black trench coat and black spy clothes.

**FIRE LADY M: **"Hello and welcome to this special edition of Survivor. I am your host, Fire Lady M. Let's meet our newest victims, err, I mean, contestants. [psychotic smile]

Our first victim is a twenty-something year old HIV-positive ex-rocker from New York City! Give a big round of applause for Rogeeer DAAAAVIIIIS "

Out walks the rock star wearing a pair of navy blue swim trunks and a Hawaiian print shirt that is reminiscent of vomit on canvas. **ROGER** blinks. "Uhm. Hi?" He sits down in the Tribal Council area.

"Our next contestant is the sultry and smooth Doctor from Forks, Washington. Doctooor Caaaarliiiisle Cuulleeeen. "

He walks out, dressed in a lab coat, cargo shorts and a brown shirt, shimmering in the sun like an overly glittered drag queen. "Must you announce us like that? And why the hell are you telling people to clap? It's just us and the camera crew." he sighs, looking around and seeing nowhere else to sit goes next to **ROGER.**

"Next one is everyone's favorite British dick-headed Immortal! Hailing from.. " she pauses, "It doesn't say where, but anyway, heeeeereeeees Adaaam Monroooe."

**ADAM **looks around and sighs exasperatedly. "I hate you.."

**FIRE LADY M **grins and remarks: "If Ollie were here you'd be behaving."

**ADAM** gulps and quickly goes over to the seats, as if afraid of this "Ollie" person.

**FIRE LADY M **consults the teleprompter as to who's next.

"Ah, this one's one of my favorites. Everyone, give a warm welcome to everyone's favorite Pseudo-human!"

**WESKER **walks out, and silently does his badass pose. **CARLISLE **blinks twice and then stares at him. You could almost not tell them apart. That's how similar they looked.

"And now third to last, my personal second favorite, and one of the most badass of them all. **FATHER ALEXANDER ANDERSON!"**

He enters, his trench coat swishing ominously. "Aye, whit the hell's this?"

**FIRE LADY M **just directs him to the seats. Silently.

"Second to last, and my personal ultimate favorite: James Sunderland!"

**JAMES** enters, looking kind of confused and just notices everyone else seated and goes over and sits with them.

"And finally, the queen of hair care himself, Chaaaseee."

**CHASE **enters, swishing his hair like Fabio.

**FIRE LADY M, **being somewhat traumatized by this show, just points to the chairs and says: "Just go sit down." She sighs and rolls her eyes. Looking straight into the camera, she smiles fakely and says "Coming right up after this commercial break."

It goes into a montage of fighting, what looks like someone drowning, and a pair of gloved hands holding the **IMMUNITY TOTEM**

Commercial Break:

Camera pans onto a jar of cheese. Why it's showing this, we'll never know. And then it flashes the words: "EAT MORE CHIKIN!" And then it shows a chibi'd **JAMES **holding two thumbs up. "It's idiot-tastic!"

----

**FIRE LADY M, **not realizing the show is back, seems to be flirting futilely with **WESKER. "**Fine then, you douche. I don't like you either."

CAMERA zooms in

"Oh, it's rolling?" Her demeanor changes almost completely. "Now, we'll be assigning the contestants teams. They're the Blue Team and Red Team. I didn't come up with the names. The idiot manatees in writing did.

First on red team it's **CHASE**, **CARLISLE**, and **WESKER!**

That means on Blue Team it's **ANDERSON**, _**J**_**AMES** and **ADAM!"**

**JAMES**, being an idiot, remarks. "My favorite color is blue."

**FIRE LADY M **face palms. "**JAMES**. You're an idiot. And that's why we love you." She regains her composure and states to the camera, "Now that the teams are together, we will have our first challenge. It's for the immunity Totem."

**CAMERA** pans left, to where it seems there's several thin metal poles revolving on wire above a lake.

"This challenge is to gain the Immunity Totem. One team member from each team will hang blindfolded from a pole. The other team members are to toss these rings up to them and catch them on the little nub on each teammate's foot. The catch is, the blindfolded teammate must not fall and the other catch is, none of you can get wet."

**WESKER** turns to **CHASE. **"You have really girly hair so I volunteer you." he pulls out a glock. "Do it now."

**CHASE** then dons the blindfold and shimmies up the pole.

---

**ON THE BLUE TEAM:**

**ADAM **seems to be examining his nails. "I can't swim, so I'm not going up."

**ANDERSON** groans and looks at James. "Ah guess it's up tae ye. Ah cain't swim either."

**JAMES** puts on a stupid grin and after putting on the blindfold clings to the pole.

The **POLES **begin swinging and after about eight seconds **CHASE** falls off.

**ADAM**, and **WESKER **bust out laughing.

**CHASE** is hauled out, whining about his hair.

**ANDERSON and CARLISLE **groan in sympathy.

**JAMES **is still clinging to the pole as ANDERSON is handed the Immunity Totem, as Team Captain.

And the credits roll.

NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR: FANGIRL EDITION:

Allies, challenges, and someone is voted off the ISLAND.

Who will it be?

**(an: Ollie! I mentioned you!! And plz review and if you want a say as to who gets voted off, please PM me.)**


	3. first tribal council

Survivor: Fangirl Edition

**FIRE LADY M **is facing the camera with a really fake plastiquey smile plastered to her face. "Hello and welcome back to Survivor: Fangirl Edition. Today the contestants of the red team, or rather the contestants of both teams will be forced to vote one of their teammates or enemies off. Now we will go to the Red Team to see what's up."

**CARLISLE **happens to be talking to **WESKER**. "I say we vote **CHASE** off. He's nice and all but he's just dead weight." **WESKER** replies, "Yeah, he's just a waste of space."

On to the Blue Team. "You know, you should vote that jerk **WESKER** off." ADAM says, nudging the imbecile **JAMES** with his elbow. **JAMES **nods and agrees to do so.

And thus the first alliance is made.

**ROGER** sits chatting with **CHASE**.

"I know they're going to vote me off, I just know it." **CHASE** whines.

**ROGER** smirks, and says, "Hey. I won't." Then he leans in to tell him something that the microphones don't pick up. "You're gonna do that?" **CHASE** asks, eyes wide. "Is that even allowed?"

------

The **CAMERA **pans up and a time lapse happens.

Its now nighttime and everyone is sitting around the fire.

**FIRE LADY M **is facing the camera and she says "We will now begin the Tribal Council. **ROGER**, you're up first."

**ROGER** goes and writes a name down. Followed by **WESKER, **and then **JAMES, CHASE **and **ANDERSON, and ADAM and CARLISLE **bringing up the rear.

---

**ROGER **scribbles down a name and holds up the card. "I'm voting myself out."

**WESKER **writes down a name and hold sup the paper. "Carlisle, you're like my clone. I hate it."

**JAMES** slowly writes down a name with lots of concentration and his tongue sticking out of his mouth.

"**ADAM** told me to, so yeah."

**ANDERSON** goes next. "Roger's ae waste o' space."

**ADAM **goes next. "You are a useless sod. Go to Hell."

**CARLISLE **holds up his card. "Sorry, guy. I had to."

---

**FIRE LADY M **pulls out the cards and says **" **Once the name has been read that person will bring me their torch, and leave the council area."

"**Roger, James, Wesker, Roger, Roger, Carlisle**."

**FIRE LADY M **puts out **ROGER's **torch, then grabs him by the back of the shirt. Roger then goes flying over the railing into a stand of trees.

"Alrighty then the rest of you, collect your torches and head back to camp."

The remaining tribe members evacuate the area in under two seconds.

**Next Time on Survivor…**

A new alliance.

A new challenge.

Karaoke Night?!~


	4. Second Challenge Karaoke night?

**Survivor: Fangirl Edition Chapter Four**

**AN: This one is insanely long. It translates to about ten written pages.**

**The camera pans upward to the sky and the Survivor logo appears. Flm walks out dressed in what appears to be a Hitler Youth uniform. Adam facepalms, James and Chase just sit there with a 'wtf' look on their faces. Wesker has a sweat drop and is scratching his neck sheepishly while trying hard not to laugh. Evil badass villains do not laugh. Anderson has an eyebrow raised quizzically while clenching his fists and staring at her murderously. Carlisle raises his hand slowly, clearing his throat. "Isn't that a bit… Offensive?" Flm looks down at her outfit inspecting. "No..?" She clears her own throat. "Anyway", she faces the camera, striking an Otaku pose with her fingers up in a peace sign. **

"**Welcome back to this week's episode of Survivor: Fangirl Edition. I'm your host, The Famous Fire Lady M." Wesker mutters something under his breath that sounds awfully like "You don't look famous to me.." She glares and continues. "Today we'll be doing a challenge for an item, not a totem. This item will be revealed at the end of the challenge." James claps his hands like a child. "A prize!? I like prizes!!" The rest of the contestants shoot him a dirty look. **

**Chase also seems to be excited. "Is it coffee? I hope it's coffee! I like coffee! I hope it's coffee!" He continues jabbering on abut coffee for at least another eight minutes. **

**(Clips Play)**

**One shows Carlisle working diligently on a hut with Chase gabbing hyperly about, you guessed it, coffee. The next shows Adam sitting on a stump with his feet up, and James fanning him with a rather large green leaf that looks suspiciously like marijuana. And then Chase runs through the shot screaming coffee rapidly and repeatedly. He glances at him and then facepalms. This seems to be the expression he's adopted for the remainder of the time he's here. James joins in on the lunacy, and Adam yells hoarsely, "Get back here and continue fanning me, slave!" The fact that his voice is almost gone suggests this has happened quite a lot. **

**It seems James and Chase have become good friends. Wesker just rolls his eyes at the insanity. Carlisle is done with the hut, (he's the only one who's worked so far) and is just sitting , watching the crazy duo, probably looking for signs of heatstroke or if they drank seawater. But no sign of Anderson…**

**(End Clips)**

**The camera pans up and the screen flashes the Survivor logo before going black. **

**(Commercial break)**

**Carlisle walks into the frame. "Hello, I'm a doctor. Have you or anyone you know been called a tool?" A picture of Chase grinning insanely, flashing two thumbs up appears behind him. "Are you unable to get dates other than with manly coworkers? If so, you need Tool-B-Gone. Just spray around you or your loved one and you'll be back to normal in no time." **

**He flashes an insanely white grin (that makes fangirls everywhere, including the author melt into puddles of goo) and the screen goes black while in the background, weird music that seems to be from some porno plays and an ominous deep voice echoes. "Eat More Chicken!" The a loud and high pitched scream goes on until the commercial ends. **

**(End Commercial Break)**

**The screen goes back to the Survivor logo. Everyone is standing around what looks like a jungle gym suspended by vines over a very big pit. FLM is still in her Hitler Youth uniform, the front of it splashed with a viscous red substance. She shoots Anderson a dirty look , mouths 'You are so dead.' to him, and slips on a pair of cat ears attached to a headband. **

**Adam just stares. "You look like an idiot." Flm, with a fake smile, walks inconspicuously over to him and pushes him into the pit. The sound of him screaming could be heard for just over five minutes, punctuated by a sickening thud that made the others all cringe. Carlisle exclaimed, "You killed him!" She grins evilly. "Wait for it."**

**A soft almost incoherent yelling could be heard from within the depths of the pit. You could barely make out the words "Augh! There's snakes in here!" Adam then climbed back out of the so-called "Pit O' Doom", several snakes attached to his skin by their mouths. "Ow. Ow. Ow." He began pulling them off, one by one.**

**Chase's eyes grow wide. "There's snakes down there?" Adam glares at him. "Noo, I just have snakes embedded in my skin as a **_**fashion statement.**_**" The sarcasm lost to the dorky Aussie doctor. "Oh." He says, calmer. **

**Adam facepalms. "You idiot. There were mother-bleeping- snakes in that mother-bleep-ing hole! I'm tired of these mother-bleep-ing snakes in this mother-bleep-ing hole!" **

**Everyone stares at Adam, that's the first breakdown they've seen on this god-forsaken island and most certainly not the last, what with the psychotic and violent host, invasive cameras, and coffee-obsessed imbeciles.**

"**Now then." Flm says, calling attention back to herself. "The object of this challenge is to survive on this.. thing for five minutes. It will move and shake The last four still on it win a party where the prize will be awarded to them. The timer starts when everyone is on the structure." **

**Once everyone was on the giant jungle gym, the structure slowly went higher and began to rock back and forth. James was clinging to something resembling monkey bars. Carlisle was situated next to Wesker, the both of them perched inhumanly on a crossbar. Chase was hanging like a sloth from the very bottom. Anderson was seated on a horizontal bar, his back against a vertical one.**

**The only three that seemed unperturbed or ready for action were Wesker, Carlisle and Anderson. All probably used to dealing with pressure and slippery objects. Chase yells out "That's what she said." to the commentary which apparently as the author writes it, he can hear it. **

**Then suddenly, just like the Tower Of Terror at Disneyland, it dropped rapidly. Anderson, not expecting it, fell into the pit but at the last moment grabbed a bar and hung on with one hand. **

**Adam was sitting like the king of the mountain on the top, and seeing the Irishman's predicament, guffawed loudly. Then he tumbled off the structure, now hanging onto Anderson's feet. He started to panic and clung to his ankles like a little girl, shrieking at the top of his lungs. Near the top, the others were doing good and the thing shook again. **

**Both Adam and Anderson dropped into the Abyss. **

**A bell rang, and the structure stops moving. "Okay, round over!" FLM calls out. Wesker stands up, balancing unusually well, and cheers. "Ha! I won the pri-ize! I won the pri-ize!" in a sing-songy voice similar to that of a bragging child. **

**Carlisle glances over his shoulder at the dancing form of Wesker and then at the others. "You mean **_**we**_** won? I'm still here and so are those two." he pointed at the pair still warily clutching the bars. Wesker pouts. "Oh, whatever, **_**we**_** won." He said this with the air of a sore loser coming in third. The screen fades to black, still zoomed in on Wesker's sulky frown.**

**(Commercial Break)**

**Wesker enters the frame, and looks like he isn't enjoying this. "Uh.." He starts reading unconvincingly off of flashcards. "I'm Albert Wesker." then he reads the motion under his breath. "Smile nicely." His lips spread in a somewhat creepy grimace, one that would probably make infants cry. We're hoping that that isn't really how he smiles, because if it were, fangirls would be greatly disappointed. **

**He continues. "I'm here to ask you all a very important question." He then flashes an even wider **

**smile, showing beautiful pearly white teeth , causing fangirls everywhere to swoon and slip into comas. **

**Nemesis, wearing a very small yellow bikini, appears, brandishing what looks like a vial of the T-Virus like one of those models showing off something on TV. **

**Those fangirls not already unconscious now either shudder and pass out or attempt to claw and/or spork their own eyes out. **

"**Do you want to be a super strong mutant.." He consulted the flashcards. "Thing?" Flashing that dazzling white smile again, reminding those fangirls still conscious of the Harry Potter character Gilderoy Lockhart. But a sexy, non-gay version. Anyhoo, back to the story.**

**The screen goes snowy for a moment and then Nemesis is up close to the camera, his (her..?) face inches from the lens. "Stars! Stars, stars, stars. Staaarsss." And then he (she..?) posed in a rather creepy pose that was supposed to be sexy, we think. (The author would like to apologize in advance for any mental scarring.) You could barely see Wesker hog-tied on the floor at Nemmy's feet. The screen goes black with nobody (except those who understand nemespeak, like Hal) understand what the hell he (she..?) is saying or even advertising.**

**(End Break)**

**It seems Flm is unconscious from Weskie's oh-so-dazzling smile. Adam and Anderson are still in the pit, it seems. **

**James and Chase leap dramatically into the air, pouncing upon the covered tray that contains the prize. They both lift the cover and underneath are several bottles of assorted brands of vodka and tequila. Along with it is a large silver machine with a microphone attached. **

"**Karaoke!" Chase yells, scrambling to set it up, which apparently, does not require electricity. Neither loopy men even notice the alcohol. Wesker grins maniacally, attacking the tray and stealing a bottle of vodka. Uncorking it, he guzzles it down. Hiccupping slightly, he holds it in the air and cries, "Cheers!" **

**Carlisle notices the booze and taking a bottle of tequila, pops it open and takes a tentative sip. Apparently able to drink it, he gulps down another pull and smiles widely. Wesker is enjoying his alcohol, and sits back, enjoying the sunset. James and Chase are singing what appears to be a romantic duet together. And they **_**weren't**_** drunk. **

**Wesker, now on his third bottle of tequila, seems to be getting tipsy. **

**Carlisle, on the other hand, is full out smashed. He steals the microphone and the song blares out. "Dancin' queeen! Young and sweeeeet. Only seventeeeeen!" he sang, swaying his hips drunkenly to the music. Chase and James are cheering him on like fangirls, neither of them even touching a drop of booze. **

**By the time the song ended, Wesker was good and drunk. Stumbling towards Carlisle, he embraces him in a manly hug. "I love you, man." he slurs, taking the microphone. **

**The song "Hit me, baby, one more time" plays and Wesker removes his sunglasses surprisingly, the others hooting as if he were doing a striptease. He starts to act like Britney Spears, complete with dance moves. "Oh, baby, baby, how could I have let you gooo." he croons, removing his jacket because it interferes with the dance moves. **

**At the end of the song, he whispered seductively "One more time." and then promptly hit the sand, passed out. The others continued to dance stupidly around while Chase began to sing some Neil Diamond song. **

**Flm walks out of the woods, with Anderson and Adam at her side. "Aww! The prize was booze!" Adam whines. "I like booze."**

**Flm faces the camera. "That's all the time we've got. Tune in next week for more Survivor: Fangirl edition." And with that she salutes. **

**The survivor logo appears on the screen as caramelldansen plays, which seems to be the new theme song. **

_**Next time on Survivor: Fangirl Edition.!**_

_**Visitor Day In Camp!**_

_**Hangovers! **_

_**Letters to the Castaways!**_

_**Suspense! **_

_**Romance!?**_

_**And more kooky antics, by your host The Famous Fire Lady M!!**_

_**AN: Now, the reason Anderson and Adam lost the challenge is because I didn't want the ones who could handle their liquor. So I had the two who get drunk very easily and/or have not had booze in many years. Drunk!Carlisle and Drunk!Wesker were fun to write. This one was really long because I got carried away with it. It now has a mind of it's own! Review and you get a drunken rendezvous with whichever contestant you choose, and that includes the host. Thank you and good night!**_

_**PS: Please PM or review with letters to the campmates and host (with suggestions of what they should do) and for suggestions as to who to bring in for Visitor Day!**_


End file.
